Ralph Piss (born 1971) is a right-wing blogger, commentator, and comedian. He is best known for his political blog, Piss On America.
Ralph Piss publicity photo
Early life
Not much is known about Ralph Piss's background. He was born in 1971 in Patterson, New Jersey. An angry and socially awkward child, young Ralph would travel to Manhattan, where he would loiter around television studios and newspaper offices. In his early twenties, he began delivering political rants on street corners, sitting on a folding chair and holding a sign which read, "What Piss Thinks."
Association with Noah Diamond
In 2005, Piss saw an advertisement for the theatrical production Burning Bush: A Faith-Based Musical. Incensed that a play would demean his commander-in-chief, Piss waited after the show and confronted co-creator Noah Diamond. "We had a small argument and that was all," Diamond wrote on the Nero Fiddled blog. "In his audio rant on the subject, he claims that Amanda Sisk 'threatened' him 'with her shoe.' This did not happen."
"After that night, I didn't hear much from Ralph Piss -- just the occasional incoherent e-mail, usually attacking my liberalism, but never with any real point. Apparently this year's elections lit a fire under him, because on November 8 I received the first in a series of e-mails from Piss, begging me to follow up on an offhanded offer I'd made after the show a year ago. ('It's fine to disagree with us,' I said then. 'You should start your own blog, to get your opinion out there, too. I could even give you some tips on how to get started.')
"Piss was persistent, and I have to say I was curious about him, so I agreed to help him get into the world of blogging. I wound up doing some simple design work for his site, too, and hosting his images and audio files. I know it seems strange that I would extend these generosities to someone whose ideas I oppose, but I thought it would be a nice thing to do, in the spirit of bipartisan cooperation. I also must say, quite frankly, that I was fascinated by this obviously psychotic personality."
Intrigued, Diamond helped Piss set up his blog, and later helped organize Piss's debut as a performer. The two communicate occasionally, but their association is strained. Diamond has often expressed frustration with Piss, who has relentlessly mocked him on his blog and elsewhere, referring to him as "Dummycrat Diamond." In 2007, when Nero Fiddled, Deathmask, and other New York City acts participated in a variety show entitled A Very Nice Evening, Piss wrote, "This so-called 'very nice evening' is nothing more than another ANTI-AMERICAN HATE-FEST from DUMMYCRAT DIAMOND and his disgusting liberal friends! So DO NOT GO TO THE VERY NICE EVENING! It will NOT be VERY NICE, and if you go then you are probably a terrorist! NOT VERY NICE!"
The title graphic from Ralph Piss's political blog, Piss on America
Comedy career
In 2006, when he learned that 24 producer Joel Surnow was producing The Half-Hour News Hour (a "right-wing answer to The Daily Show") for the Fox News Channel, Ralph Piss decided he would be an ideal cast member. He put together a standup act, and with Diamond's help, premiered at downtown Manhattan's HERE Arts Center. Piss posted several videos from this appearance on YouTube, along with fervent pleas that Surnow cast him on the Fox show. Piss's efforts in this direction had no effect, and The Half-Hour News Hour was cancelled after only a few episodes. However, Piss has resolved to continue in his ambition to become a major comedian, arguing that conservatives are inherently funnier than liberals. He has also appeared as a panelist on the program Fuck You with Archie McPatton.
Two avid fans of Ralph Piss, known as "Piss Girls" or "Piss Heads," showing off
autographed pictures of their idol at a Ralph Piss appearance
Who is Ralph Piss? (2009)
As early as 2006, Nero Fiddled had informally agreed to produce a documentary about Piss. It was toward this end that Piss's standup comedy debut was videotaped, and interviews were conducted with audience members after the show. Disputes over the rights to this footage led to another major falling-out between Ralph Piss and the directors of Nero Fiddled. Diamond and Sisk eventually scrapped the documentary project, and turned the performance footage over to Piss. He subsequently released some of that material on YouTube.
In early 2009, Piss was contacted by British documentarian Morgan O. Horgan, best known for Buttergums! The Buttergums McGee Story. Horgan, who had been fascinated by Piss's blog and video clips, inquired about the status of Who is Ralph Piss? Eventually, Horgan was able to convince Piss and Diamond to let him revive the project and take over as director. Amanda Sisk says that Horgan, Piss, and Diamond were "locked away in a room together, yelling and screaming for an hour" during this negotation. Horgan's production company, Horganfilms Ltd., produced Who is Ralph Piss? in association with Nero Fiddled.
In addition to Diamond and Piss, other noteworthy figures appear in the film. They include conservative columnist Amy Keeler and puppeteer Bolivar Schmenke. The song "Who is Ralph Piss?," which is heard during the opening titles, was written and recorded by Max Fleming.
In the film's closing moments, Piss reveals that he was severely depressed after the 2008 election, withdrawing from his work and his life. He reports that he is doing better now (April 2009) and is writing on an opera entitled September 12.
Shortly after Who is Ralph Piss? was released on the Internet, Piss himself condemned the film. In a video message posted on his blog, Piss claimed that Diamond, Sisk, and Horgan had manipulated the footage in order to make him look "stupid" and discredit the conservative movement.
Selected quotes
On Piss's blog, in his live performances, and elsewhere, he has made many jokes and observations representative of his social outlook and political views.
- "The Dummycrats are going to nominate either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. That's what it's come down to: Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Two black women with well-known ties to the gay community."
- "The Iraq Study Group is nothing but a bunch of SURRENDER MONKEYS! They are also RETREAT APES, TREASON BABOONS, and CUT AND RUN GORILLAS!"
- "What's the difference between a liberal and a cheese? Cheese doesn't hate everything America was built on."
- "Why do liberals like to burn American flags? They have scorn for everything our brave soldiers have died trying to defend."
- "What do you call a feminist with a wedding ring? A gay lesbian."
- "In the fifties, everything was white picket fences, and if a boy liked a girl, he'd just rape her, in the car, and then she had to marry him."
External links
Photographs: It really is Ralph Piss
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